Despite me applauding myself, I don’t think I have broken the cycle completely. Sure, the urge to scroll through Twitter every brief break in activity has subsided somewhat, but there is still work to do in getting my attention back. The truth is, for me to completely do as I intend scares me more than a little because I don’t know what I would have left.
I have posed myself several through experiments recently. Trying to work out what is sucking my attention away and what is a valuable resource. Twitter, for example, still offers me quite a lot of value and I like sharing things and having the odd rescission. I don’t know why I do. Logic would tell me that there is absolutely no reason for me to post half the things I do, yet I enjoy it, and sometimes logic and reason don’t win.
Instagram occupies a little less space in my life, but arguably should be held a little higher. However, the app and service are so toxic to attention span, I simply can’t use it very regularly. Of all the time sucking, manipulative apps that I still have accounts on, Instagram is the worst by a mile. Yet, I still feel like I have to use it. Despite me still learning, I like to call myself a photographer, but the question comes who am I a photographer for?
The fear comes from honesty. If I am completely honest with myself, and I were to go through with the things that I want to do. Such as deleting my instagram account, I am genuinely worried I wouldn’t want to take pictures any more. Which partly answers my question about whom I take them pictures for. Without the result, i.e. showing them to other people, there seems very little point.
Without question, I enjoy the process of capturing the shot, although I do hate editing because I am poor at it. So, the process does give me some satisfaction, but the result is really the reason for donging it. If it were not for Instagram, or other social media, I wouldn’t take the photo in the first place — I would just look. Meaning, I wouldn’t be a photographer at all.