No So Bro

This morning, whilst catching up with my RSS feed subscriptions, I noticed that both Manu and Kevin have posted some updates on experiments I am also currently doing. Also, before we get too far, please excuse the weird title. I’ve been rewatching Silicon Valley this week, and it’s as relevant today as it was in 2019. In that show, everything had to be social and appealing to the masses. Whereas at the minute, I am continuing to still not appeal to the masses and be even less social.

Not because I’m some kind of hermit and want to draw away from the world, more that I have realised that all the time I’ve spent reading about other people’s lives in social feeds is wasted. To be clear, I’m talking about my own personal experiences, so if yours differ, that’s great. I am just of the opinion that it’s time for me to move away from dominating my life with things that I don’t need to give space in my day.

I have spent a long time online, with Yahoo forums, IRC channels, Facebook and Twitter timelines, and now the Fediverse. I met some amazing people and forged some great relationships, but I’m old now, and things change. There’s no grand ’I’m quitting’ post here or self-congratulatory words to evangelise for others to do the same. It’s just my words, which have struggled to come out until I took a step back. With a big realisation, that, in reality, those that really care find a way.

Boredom

The biggest thing I have found is the space to do more things. To play some games, read more books, learn some new skills, and write more. So many positive things with no real downside. My passive consumption of other people’s lives makes no difference to them but makes all the difference to me.

That’s really the discovery here. The space and time that I have made because of my own addictive tendencies to spend too much time online have been tremendous. When you want to do as many things as I do and still need eight hours to sleep and another eight to sleep, there’s no time to waste. As I wrote about earlier, getting comfortable with boredom has meant that I am more selective of the activities that I let spoil it.

Relationships

There’s also a realisation here of the limits of connections I’ve made. Of course, I don’t do anything that I do online for attention or feedback, but the relationships that I have made online are dwindling. As bad as Twitter was, it was much easier to connect with other like-minded people. When that is spread over several networks, the work required is much harder. Many of the people I forged friendships with have moved to message threads or in-person gatherings rather than tweets and posts. Which I value much more.

Moreover, only occasionally posting online has led to so little repose that it is barely worth it. Yet, on the other hand, I miss being online. Interacting with people online, in even a small way, is all I’ve ever known. Sharing things about my life and journey through it in the hope that others take something from my posts. In no small part, these interactions have meant that I have overcome some of the hardest things in my life. I have no ‘real’ in person friends anyway.

Sharing my journey with Lucie, her diagnosis, and all the things we get up to gave me the motivation to overcome my mental health issues. As well as get back to fitness following heart problems. Pushing me to raise money for charity and run a marathon for the first time in years. Purely down to the fact that people have taken an interest in my dull little life.

Answers

There have also been a few times over the last week that I have needed to ask questions of the internet’s hive mind. To solve a code issue that perhaps my followers would know. Maybe to try to find extra resources to learn about a topic. Whatever the motivation, the posts have been left published and instead replaced by in-depth research or nothing at all. Sometimes it’s too easy to post.

Ultimately, I am constantly looking for answers. Most of which I cannot find, and all of which I have no idea where to even start. In many people’s eyes, I have a strange way of examining my life, which, I think, is fair. I am more sure than ever that none of the things I am forever searching for can be found on a timeline.