It was, as Thanos says, inevitable. I am so shockingly boring that I couldn’t stop working even for one day off. There was little point in tidying up after myself and trying to hide the fact that I can’t do other things. So, when all the family returned from their normal day at work and school, of course the question came.

The answer is a simple one, but a little bit painful to admit: I have nothing else in my life to do. I do have things to do, but not anything that I really want to do, and nothing to excite me for the few hours that were free. The truth is I am so exceptionally sad that there is very little else in my life to entertain me. I have tried for years to focus my mind elsewhere when these periods occur, but I inevitably find myself working.

To try and explain why is far too complicated a topic, one that may one day be recited on a therapist’s couch, but I theorize many reasons intertwined in my psyche. One of which is the relationship between myself and my technology. All of which are used for both personal and work tasks. As soon as I sat down to write my blog post earlier, I knew that I would end up checking my email, planning for my return tomorrow, and more than likely completing some simple things to check off my list.

Thankfully, I did get out for a little while today, walked my dog in the woods where we both enjoyed the sunshine. As well as doing some exercise, and finished watching Fallout. ¹ Unfortunately, I always feel that there is something lacking to do. Many people I know spend these sorts of spare hours playing games or binge-watching TV, and I don’t think I can switch my brain off for long enough. All I have are books to read and blog posts to write, and there’s only so much of that you can do.

And so, I worked, on my day off.